The meanest Daddy on Earth, and rugby is not “gay”
Two of my sons, Tayler and Tyler, have utterly atrocious grades. So, in order to get their attention I have imposed the most cruel and inhumane punishment known to eleven year olds: not torture, starvation, or beatings, but I have grounded them from electronic devices. Yes, that means no video games or television until their report cards improve.
Please pause for a moment to consider the utter horror of this monstrosity. Imagine, if you will, the absolutely open-mouthed shocked silence of my sons as they stared at me with vacant eyes, considering a WHOLE THREE MONTHS without video games or television. They still cannot imagine that I am truly serious. What in God’s name are they to do? As they told their grandmother, “Nana, can you even imagine growing up without video games?” (Yes, I can, actually. I did. “Whaaat?!”)
In order to demonstrate that it is indeed possible to survive without such devices, I took my sons to the park to play some touch rugby. This gave us an opportunity to discuss such issues as “Nobody in the whole world likes this dumb game. People play football.” (No, Joseph, lots more people in the world play rugby than football. In fact, there are whole regions of the planet that have never even heard of American football or seen a game. No, really, Joseph….) Also, “Rugby is gay.” (Son, rugby has the hardest hits in the world! They tackle like football, but with no pads. And it’s wrong to call things “gay”, son…)
We all had a great time, except Joseph. “This game is worse than voting for Obama!” Take it easy, son….